He hasn't forgotten him....

Last night after supper, Landon went and sat on the couch. He had a book in his hand and after looking at it closer, I realized it was Trevor's photo album. It broke my heart. I went over there and sat down with him,as he looked through the album. Trevor had alot of stuff he was hooked up to, ventilator, blood pressure cuff, heart monitor, and ect. It overwhelmed Landon and he kept asking, "What happened to Trevor?", "He got a boo-boo?" I just kept telling him that Trevor didnt feel good and was sick. I know that Landon still remembers him. We talked about him for over 9 months and even moved Landon to the extra bedroom and turned his room into Trevor's. The other night I was in the Kitchen cleaning up, and Landon was looking in all the cabinets saying, "I can't find him mommy, I cant find him." I said, "What are you looking for Landon?", thinking he had misplaced a toy or something. He said, "I cant find Baby Trevor." Again, it felt like my heart stopped beating, and I just stood there staring at Landon with a solid look on his face. He really was trying to find his baby brother. I know that we will never forget him and he will be talked about all the time. Me and Dustin laughed and cried thinking about what we would have dressed Trevor up for this Halloween. I'll be honest, I didnt feel like getting out and "celebrating" Halloween this year, but I did it for Landon. I must continue to do things for him even though it hurts to think that I should always be caring around another child, no matter where I go, or what I'm doing. I can't quite understand how I can miss someone so much, and only had him for such a short time. It helps to have someone to talk to. I don't know what I would do if I didnt have Mom, Dawn or Dustin. I went and visited Trevor's grave Tuesday, and as soon as I left I had to call Mom. She listened to me cry and grieve over him for about 30 minutes, and would have longer if I needed her. It makes me feel so great that Trevor will never be forgotten. His memories will live on forver. We love and miss you sweet baby of mine.