Never Forgotten

You ever have that "smell" that comes to you at the weirdest times and reminds you of something?? That happens to me all the time. I can be shopping, at home, eating or playing with Landon and all of a sudden, I smell it. I smell the NICU room that Trevor was in. I smell the soap that we had to scrub our hands with three times before we were allowed to walk back there. I smell that way he smelt. I can smell the medicine. I can smell the way Trevor smelt after me and Dustin gave him his first and last bath. It floods me with memories, good and bad and stops me dead in my tracks whenever I smell it. Its like I am shocked and I am smelling it for the first time since he passed, only 2 years ago Tuesday. September 13th is the worst day of my life. If I could, I would sleep through that entire day. But I know I cant. I think about Trevor EVERY day. But on this day, its so hard to think of the good times that we had with him. Like the first time he opened his eyes for us, or the first time he grabbed Dustin's finger and squeezed it. All I can think about is this is the day that he left us. The day that no parent ever wants to face. The day that our hopes and dreams of bringing him home were shattered. Me and Dustin were on the deck a couple night ago, drinking coffee and star gazing. I said, "Don't you just wish that there was a way that we could just peak up to Heaven and see Trevor. Even if just for 10 seconds. To know, and see with our own eyes, him up there. Smiling, playing, and most of all, healthy. I wonder what he looks like when he's not sick?" We both just sat there, knowing that was an impossible request. I'm sure we wouldn't be satisfied if God would let us see him. We would always want more. I can't wait to see him again. I think that when I finally get my hands on him, for the second time and for always, that I want be able to put him down!