We lost something...that we never really had.

It was such a beautiful day today, and I was so glad I had the day off. After me and Landon went to Walmart with Dawn, got some lunch for Landon at Burger King, and played outside for a while, I decided to take Landon to Trevor's grave with me. As I was kneeling beside his grave, thinking about how he would look now, and what he would be doing, Landon looked at me and said, "We got to get Trevor back Mommy. Let's dig him up and take him home with us. We will fight them people so we can get Trevor back." I told Landon that I wish it was that easy. He then said that he had to give Trevor a kiss and then kissed his Angel Statue that we have there. I don't know what makes Landon think of and talk about Trevor so often. I know he misses him. And I don't know why he thought if we got Trevor back, we would have to fight some people. Landon just takes everything in so I guess that he thought that Trevor got stolen from us, which he did. Its like we lost him, but we never really had him. We never had him home with us, out to dinner with us, or shopping. He was in the NICU his whole life...which was 36 days. So I guess that as time goes on, Landon will better understand exactly what happened to his brother. Death is a very complicated thing to understand, even for adults, so I know Landon is confused. I know as Landon gets older, his conversations of Trevor will be less and less, so Me and Dustin enjoy every time Landon mentions his little brother. It actually helps us. We love you Landon, you are a very special and sweet little boy who makes Mommy and Daddy so proud! We love you and miss you Trevor! We are very proud to have you as a son and can't wait to get our hands on you again!