Happy 2nd Birthday Trevor!

Yesterday, August 8th, was our sweet baby boy's birthday. I wanted to blog yesterday, but every time I came and sat down to blog, I just stared at a blank page. I couldn't find the words to say. I mean, what do you say on your child's 2nd birthday, when hes not here with you. Its hard. I guess I thought it was going to get easier. Stupid me. Me and Dustin were outside last night looking at the moon. He grabbed me and hugged me. I said, "Its hard to believe that 2 years ago we had Trevor here with us. We could touch him, look at him, talk to him, rub his head, and hold his hand. Now we can't....just 2 yeas later. Even though he was very sick, it was comforting to know that he was still here with us. Anytime we wanted to see him, feel him, we could. And now, even though he is healthy, happy, and not hurting, it is still not comforting....because hes not here. We cant touch him. Dustin wanted me to wait until he got home yesterday from work so we could both go to his grave. When we got there around 5, it shocked me to know we weren't the only people that came to visit with him. There were 2 balloons, 3 cards, and a toy at his grave. I broke down crying. It felt so good to know that he still had people out there that hasn't forgotten him. They still love him, as we do. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one still hurting....still missing him. Now I know I'm not. Even Bryce, who was only one year old when Trevor died, talks about Trevor. The other night his mom, My twin, went in his room to find it destroyed. She asked him who made such a big mess. Without missing a beat, Bryce said, "Trevor did Mommy. He messed my room up!" :) My mom has a baby doll that she bought that resembles Trevor so much. She has Trevor's clothes on him. Landon and Bryce love it. Bryce stayed with mom the other night and Bryce woke up around 2:00 am wanting Trevor. She had to get up and go find the baby boll for him to hold. Then he went right back to sleep holding Trevor. I am so glad that he will never be forgotten. We had a little "party" yesterday for Trev. I got a cake from The Sweet Spot and family came over to eat. We only had 12 people here. Us, our parents, grandparents, and Dawn, Bryce, and Kendall. It was good. We sung Happy Birthday to Trevor then let Landon blow the candle out. Hopefully we can do something small like this every year. To remember him.

Landon blowing out the candle. This candle is the same one I used for Landon's 2nd birthday.