Today.....

Today, September 13th, has got to be the most dreaded day on the calender for me. I WILL NOT celebrate this day. I will celebrate August 08th, the day that Trevor's brand new life began, but I will not celebrate September 13th, the day his short life was taken from us. Our hopes and dreams were shattered on this day. We were robbed of so many things. Landon was not only robbed of a little brother, but also a best friend, a play-mate and so much more. I was thinking how much different, better, our lives would be if we still had him here. I know he is in a better place, but I want him here with me. I am his mommy. I should be the one taking care of him. But I guess if I had to choose someone to care for him, I couldnt pick anyone better than Jesus. And I know he is in good hands. I love you Trevor.

Washing Daddy's truck

This afternoon Landon and I decided to wash Daddy's truck. It was about 5 o'clock and Landon was about to fall asleep. He hadn't had a nap today so far, and I didn't want him to fall asleep that late because I knew he would be up tonight(And he was fast asleep in his bed tonight before 8:30). I had asked him if he wanted to help me wash Daddy's truck, hoping to: a) wake him up and b) I really need help washing that big truck. No one person should have to do it alone. Everything went great at first. Landon said, "Mommy, Can I wash the lights?" I said, "Sure. That would help Mommy out alot!" Well, needless to say, that only lasted 5 minutes. When I turned around, Landon was playing in a puddle of water. And he was having a blast!

This picture is of when he tried to show me he could do a flip, and Landon face first in the water, sending soapy water all up his nose and in his eyes.

He finally nailed the flip! Way to go Landon!

Love Love Love this pic!

Ok. So it's safe to say by now that he is soaking wet. Not to mention the fact that he has a small cold! GREAT!

There goes the dirty cleaning water....all over my dirty boy! :)

He just had to make sure that every single drop of water was out of the bucket.

I have to say though, he sure is cute!

Don't you agree????

I mean, with his long, shaggy hair, which by the way, we took him to get his hair cut Wednesday, and our Beautician, Lisa, A/K/A "Aunt Lisa", talked us out of it. We are now going with a surfer dude style. Which, me and DT both thinks he is cuter with longer hair. We will see how long this will last.

Seems like such a small puddle of water. Who would have thought that this would have occupied him a lot longer than it took to wash Daddy's big truck, and alot longer than I should have let him play in it. Oh well, he's only little once, right? Thanks Landon for helping me wash Daddy's big truck! Can't wait to do it again!

Kitchen Remodeling

( This is our granite we picked out)
((And these are our cabinets)

We are in the process of remodeling our kitchen. We purchased cabinets from Florence from a company called JSI Cabinetry. It is the Georgetown collection and I love them! They measured our sink base cabinet wrong, and reordered it Friday, so we are hoping it will be in by Tuesday. We already have the wall cabinets done so as soon as it gets in, we will be able to put the granite in. We picked out New Venetian Gold granite from The Granite Store in Florence. We have also purchased a new stainless steel refrigerator, double-oven stove, over-the-range microwave, and dishwasher. It has been so tough being without a kitchen now. We are going on 2 weeks of having to eat out every day. I can't wait to get it finished and cook us a nice homemade meal. Dustin's birthday is Thursday and I was suppose to be fixing him a cheesecake, but I'm not sure if it will be done by then or not! I sure hope so!

KK Donut stop

( Dustin said that I am always taking pictures of them, so he had to take one of me. Too bad his thumb got in the way!)

On our way home from Florence yesterday, we had to make a stop by Krispy Kreme donuts. Lucky for us, the donuts were HOT and delicious. We got a dozen and ate a couple while we were there. I believe Landon is going to love KK donuts just as much and me and Dustin does!

3K School Year 2010-2011

Landon's first day of school this year was hectic! I was only able to take a picture of him when we got to the school. He was very excited and when I picked him up all he could talk about was playing with his favorite buddies, Mason and Reese. I have a feeling those 3 boys are going to have a great school year together this year. The teachers may have their hands full with those 3 adorable boys!

Play Date at Byerly Park

Since Dawn is off this week, I met her at her house today after I got out of school and we took the boys to the park. We had a great time catching up on everything and watching the boys play. They were so good and Bryce wanted to do everything that Landon did. Landon told us, "Bryce is my buddy and he is happy to me." Ha, that's what Landon says when he means someone is glad to be with him. After about 20 minutes of playing, Landon's shoes came off. Then, about 10 minutes after that, one of Bryce's shoes came off. He played a while with one shoe on and one shoe off, and then Landon decided to take his other shoe off! We stayed out there for over an hour. The boys were filthy! I am about to give Landon a bath and get him ready for bed. I have to work tomorrow ALL DAY! I don't know how I am going to feel having to work all day long! I love being part-time and going to school. I get to do so much stuff and play with Landon a lot! Dustin wants to know why we didn't do this sooner! He loves me being part-time because every night he has came home this week to a hot supper and even dessert every night! So let me get off this computer because I have a feeling me and Landon are going to need a lot of rest tonight because we have a full day ahead of us tomorrow! Goodnight!

Angel's Embrace

Dawn went to the Beach this past week, and brought me home a present! I love getting presents! It was a Willow Tree Ornament, and it was of an angel holding a baby. It was titled, "Angel's Embrace." I love it and it immediately went into my curio with the other ones. Thanks Dawn. I love you VERY much and don't know what I would ever do without you!

Homemade Cheese Cake - Take two

This cake turned out much better than the first. I had a feel on how to make the crust even all the way around. Dustin and Landon had this cake to themselves, even though I had 3 pieces and D's mom and dad came over for another slice! :) I told Dustin I was going to bake one for my cousin, who let me "borrow" her TI-84 calculator this semester, but he said he just doesn't know how he is going to let me bake a cake in our house, then take it to someone else to enjoy. Ha! I love how he always says my cooking is the best. It makes me feel so good! :)

Dustin's all-time FAVORITE cake is a cream cheese cake. His birthday is in September, so I found this recipe for a New York Style homemade cream cheese cake. I decided to try it out before his birthday, so I fixed it this morning. It had to cool in the refrigerator for about 6 hours, which was the hard part b/c I had to keep Landon and Dustin from digging in it. It turned out GREAT and we have already had some and my mom and Dad are on there way now to get some too. They have specific orders to fix Dawn a piece and take it to her tonight when they leave! I hope they enjoy it as much as we did!!!

I made it.....barely.

I collect Willow Tree figurines and when I seen this one, I knew I had to get it for Trevor's birthday. It's kinda like a present from him, to me. I. miss. him. I just love how she has her hand over her heart, like her heart is hurting. I knew that this was me. I sometimes feel like I have a sign over my head that says, "I miss you Trevor." I tend to wear my emotions on my face, like my mom, and I am trying to wrok better on that, for Landon's sake. He will see my crying and come and get on my lap and say, "Mommy, why are you crying? You miss Trevor?" He knows how I am hurting , but I also want him to know that I love him dearly and will ALWAYS be here for him, no matter what. Mommy loves you too Landon!

Yesterday was a very hard day for me. When I woke up, my first thought was, "Today is the 1st birthday of my precious son, and I can't share this day with him." My heart felt very heavy and hard. I was really undecided on how I wanted to celebrate his birthday. I actually didn't go get him a cake until Sunday afternoon. I went to Bilo with Dawn and got a cake that they had already prepared, and just got them to write "Happy Birthday Trevor" on it. I still had Landon's "1" candle from his first Birthday cake, so I just used it. Landon was really confused about it being Trevor's birthday. We were talking about it on the way to church, and Landon said, "Trevor's not a baby anymore? If he has a birthday now then he cant be a baby, but a big boy." I told him Trevor was still a small baby. And to me, he is still just 5 weeks old. Dustin and I went into Trevor's room, and just went through all his stuff that we had gotten him. All his clothes, toys, bath wash, and looked at the new changing table/dresser we got him. We fell in love with that dresser when we first saw it. We got it from an antique store in Hartsville, and it was the perfect size to use as a changing table, then as a dresser when he got older, and it matched his crib. When the man told us how much it was, Dustin reached into his pocket, and had the exact amount the man asked for it. We knew that was a sign that it was meant for us to get it. One day while we were in the NICU waiting room, I was having one of my many breakdowns and Dustin said, "Denise, you remember the changing table we got him?" I said, "Yeah." He said, "Remember I had the exact amount the man wanted for it in my pocket. That was a sign that we needed to get it. And we WILL be using it for him." I clung to those words. Even after Trevor was gone, I remember telling Dustin, "You told me everything was going to be ok. That we were going to use his changing table." I still have my bad days, and not-so-bad days. I was going to go visit is grave yesterday, but I didn't. I wanted it to be a happy day, and I knew that me going there wasn't going to make it better. No Mother wants to visit their child's grave on their birthday. I know he's not there. So I didn't see any point of making it worse on me or anyone else for that matter. So Happy Birthday my little Angel. Mommy loves you very much!

Happy Birthday Trevor, From Landon

Happy 1st Birthday Trevor!

Cutest Big Brother

Dearest Trevor,

Happy Birthday baby boy. Mommy, Daddy, and your Big Brother miss you very much. I can't believe it has already been a year. As crazy as it sounds, I don't see you as a 1 year old. You still are my 5 week old baby. I know you must be having a great time spending your first birthday in Heaven. I can only imagine how spoiled you must be. You have several grandparents and family with you. I know they are taking good care of you. I can imagine that you are learning to walk, and what a joy it must be to see you wobbling down the streets of gold. You have got to be the cutest little angel in Heaven. I wish I could just peek and look at you. I bet you are the spitting image of your daddy. I have been dreading and anticipating this day since you left us. I just didn't know how I could handle not begin able to celebrate this big day with you. And actually, I am having a pretty hard time right now. Today, August 8th, is one of the most happiest days of my life. I am so proud of you still for the fight you put up. I went in your room last night, and got out my "Trevor" box. It is a beautiful blue box that I have alot of stuff in it of yours. It has the outfit Daddy and I dressed you in after we gave you a bath, your pacifier, your blanket, some diapers and wipes, your NICU bracelets and sooo much more. Only good memories are in there. I held your birth certificate and the paper with you footprints, birth weight and measurements on it. I cried. I cried for you. I love you and miss you so much. I feel such an emptiness because I don't have you here. Landon still talks about you all the time. He want to know when you are coming back. I try to explain to him that you can't come back to us, but that we have to come to you. And we will one day baby. I promise. I hope you are having a great day today. Remember: Mommy loves you so much. Happy 1st Birthday Trevor.

Landon and Bryce

We are going to have our hands full with these 2 boys

*Love this face*

Landon stayed with Dawn and Bryce 2 nights while we and DT were gone. Dawn just purchased her first home, and I love it! She still has alot to do(including me giving her first house warming shower that I have been procastinating on for the longest, sry Dawn), but she moved in last week. Landon just loves Dawn's "new" house, and had a blast staying with them. They ate all kinds of junk food, and stayed up way too late. He has already been asking when can he stay with Aunt Dawn and Bryce again! Thanks Dawn for taking such good care of him while we were gone!

DLT + DLT = Together Forever

( I just LOVE this picture. To me it says ALOT. No matter what we face in life, I know that Dustin will be walking along beside me, holding my hand. And that is very comforting. He always calls and checks on me through out the day, and makes me feel like I am his number one priority. I know that if I ever needed anything, all I have to do is ask. Thanks for taking such good care of me D! I love you and I hope I am as much help to you, as you are to me!)





This past weekend, DT and I celebrated our 6th Anniversary!!! We headed out(just the 2 of us) to a long weekend at the Beach. We stayed for 3 nights and 4 days, and enjoyed every bit of it! We shopped, ate ALOT, layed out everyday, and just enjoyed each others company! We have been through sooo much since we have been together, and I know that it has only made us stronger and closer. I am so thankful that God gave me a Husband like Dustin. He has carried me when I needed to be carried, held me when I needed to be held, pushed me when I needed to be pushed, and loved me through everything. We are truly blessed to have a love like ours. I not only love him unconditionally, but I am soooo in love with him! Everyday when he comes home and kisses me, I still get the tingly feeling just like when we were dating. He still gives me butterflies and I wouldn't trade that feeling for anything in the World!







I love you Dustin Lee Tedder and I still have the BIGGEST crush on you! I cant wait to grow old with you!!!!!







**I am so proud of myself! I started a diet/exercise program 5 weeks ago, so I could loose some weight before our Anniversary! My goal was to get down to 115, and I managed to get down to 112 and I have kept it off!! (Although I don't know how seeing that I ate sooo much this past weekend)